Chapter One
Mandy
It had been twelve years since I’d broken a rule. I found that life flowed along more easily if I didn’t rock the boat. Expectations were understood and outcomes predictable. Tonight was going to be different though. Tonight I’d step out of my carefully controlled comfort zone. If I wanted to have any friends at all, it was my only choice.
I’d promised Brooke and Crissy I’d go to the party tonight, even though it wasn’t my kind of thing and they knew it. But I really wanted the three of us to be together and this was what they agreed on. Besides, if I didn’t go I’d spend my sixteenth birthday alone.
Things weren’t going as planned though. Brooke had promised to pick me up at seven-thirty. At ten minutes to eight I’d received a text saying her brother had taken her car and she’d gotten a ride from someone else. So there I was, ready and willing and no way to get to the party.
Well, there was one way. My birthday present from my uncle, an old Ford Escape he’d been fixing up for months, was waiting in the barn for me. There was the minor detail that I didn’t have my license yet, but my road test was scheduled for tomorrow morning and I knew I’d pass. So what the heck, I was already stepping out of my box, what was one more step?
Brooke was supposed to bring me her silver sequined miniskirt so I was back at the I-have-nothing-to-wear stage. The whole time I stood there staring into my closet, an invisible Jiminy Cricket sat on my shoulder reminding me that I was breaking a rule. You know what happens when you break a rule.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, flicking Jiminy to the floor, “civilizations collapse and planets implode. Alert the media, Mandy Matteo is about to break a rule.” But the room spun a little and my stomach flipped as those words came out of my mouth. I looked down to see if Jiminy was still there. He wasn’t, of course, so I called out, “It’s just one party. Mom won’t be home ’til Sunday. No one will ever know I took the Escape.”
Finally dressed in something other than sweats, I grabbed the “sweet sixteen” key ring from the rack by the front door, ran out to the barn, and hopped in the car. At the end of the driveway I paused, waiting for a sign that planets were in fact imploding. With my luck, the first party I ever went to would get busted. But no space debris fell out of the sky to block my path. My phone didn’t ring with Mama intuitively calling to ask what I was up to. No voice from above told me to turn away from the dark side I was about to cross into. So I pulled onto the county highway and headed for town.
Twenty minutes later, after much mental cursing at Brooke because her directions totally sucked, I managed to find the party. I saw the mass of cars first and then an amber glow coming from deep inside a grove of trees along the banks of the Mississippi River. Even though I’d never been to a party there before, I’d heard about the infamous Mosquito Island parties starting in middle school. While the place did have about a bazillion mosquitoes on any given summer night, it wasn’t an island. Guess that’s what happens when you name something while drunk.
The glow through the trees came from fires burning in pits in a big clearing. It created a really eerie effect. All the winter’s snow had melted, but the ground and trees were still bare (spring buds wouldn’t come for a few more weeks), so everything looked dead. It felt like I was walking into a Wiccan ritual of some kind. Then I got close enough to hear the music and the murmuring of dozens of voices and a lot of laughter. If it was a ritual, it was the happiest one ever.
“Mandy! You made it,” Brooke said when I tapped her on the shoulder. She threw her arms around me and knocked herself off balance. “How’d you get here?”
“I took the Escape. How many have you had?” I asked and cringed. Why did I always have to sound like such a mom?
“Couple. Not sure,” Brooke said with a shrug. “Wait. You took the Escape? Enzo said it was okay?”
“Nope,” I said and crossed my arms tight. I didn’t even want to think about that.
“Wow. A party and the risk of uncle wrath all on the same night.” Brooke gave me a hip bump. “I should’ve convinced you to come out with me a long time ago. Oh! Guess what? Ethan’s here.”
Ethan? And just that fast, stepping out of my very small do-nothing-wrong comfort zone and coming to a party was one-hundred percent worth it.
Brooke turned to face the crowd and hollered, “Everyone! It’s Mandy’s birthday!”
A few people turned and raised their red plastic cups and mumbled “Happy birthday,” but Brooke wasn’t satisfied. She teetered up onto a picnic table in her gray over-the-knee wedge boots. The silver sequined mini I was supposed to be wearing glittered in the light of the various fires. I prayed she wouldn’t bend over because Brooke was easily distractible and sometimes forgot to put on panties.
“Hel-lo!” She yelled louder and got more attention. Then she waved for me to come up on the table too.
“Brooke, get down. You’re going to hurt yourself,” I said and mentally smacked myself for being a buzz-kill.
I was there to have fun, to reconnect with my best friends. And since little of what I’d already done that night was typical me, what the heck. I climbed onto the table with her. Plus, being up there gave me the chance to scan the crowd for Ethan.
“Everyone, I need your attention for uno momento,” Brooke yelled, flinging an arm over my shoulders. Conversations got quieter and quieter until everyone was looking at her. “You all know Mandy, right? My best friend from elementary school?”
A murmur drifted through the crowd and a few people nodded or gave half-hearted waves. Some squinted like they were trying to place me and then went back to whatever they had been doing. Even though I knew most of them—they were the “it” crowd after all—the majority of them clearly didn’t know me. What was I doing here? What difference would it make that Brooke said it was okay? I was setting myself up for humiliation. I should leave before irreparable damage was done.
Brooke raised her beer high overhead then. “Today is Mandy’s birthday!”
Clearly I had underestimated Brooke Pulaski. She knew her minions. The attitudes changed from a ho-hum we’re-here-’cause-it’s-Friday gathering to total party in seconds. A cheer went out and people sang Happy Birthday. Cups of beer appeared in front of me from three different directions at once and some guy yelled out, “Dibs on giving birthday spankings!”
I hated beer. But not wanting to look like a total outcast, I took one of the cups and tilted it to my lips without drinking. As soon as I got the chance, I dumped it behind a tree and wiped my mouth like I’d downed it. Within seconds someone pushed another one into my hands. So then I pretended to trip over a tree root and spilled the new one. Same result: new cup-o-beer. I just held the third one. It’s not like anyone would notice whether I drank or not, only that I had a full cup in my hands.
No one talked to me, which was fine. I wouldn’t have known what to say anyway. I wandered around pretty much unseen now that the birthday announcement was done. The guys clustered, punching each other and calling each other names. The girls clustered, flipping their hair and laughing too loudly, basically trying to catch the attention of the guys. There were a few places outside the clusters where the two mixed. These seemed to be the flirt zones with lots of posing and too-big smiles and random touching of arms.
Half an hour in, Crissy finally arrived with her new boyfriend, Jeremy. No, he was the last boyfriend. This one was called Brad. And he wasn’t that new anymore. They’d been together for almost six months. That was an all-time record for Crissy. Before Brad, one month was her longest relationship. Still, I hadn’t met him yet, so she introduced me to him, him to me.
“I’m so glad you decided to come,” she said. “These parties are wicked fun.”
“I’m going to get a beer,” Brad said and headed toward the river.
“Why do they keep it in the water?” I asked.
“Keeps it cold,” Crissy said. “And if the cops show up, give it a push, and the evidence floats downstream. Brilliant, hey?”
That was sort of brilliant.
Now that Crissy was here, that meant the three of us were in the same place—not the lunchroom—at the same time. So I scanned the crowd for the glittering silver sequins on Brooke’s butt. We could sit by one of the fire pits and talk and catch up and remember all the fun times we’ve had. Make some plans to actually do something together. If necessary, I’d even choke down a beer. This was how I wanted to spend my birthday, with my girls.
“Oh! I’ve got something for you,” Crissy said and ran back to the car. She returned carrying this huge sheet cake with sixteen gold coins and “Happy Birthday, Smarty Baby!” written in apple green icing. She placed the cake in my arms, pulled out her phone, and took a picture of me with it. “The coins are for your golden sixteen-on-the-sixteenth birthday. Get it?”
I blinked away the flash orbs blurring my vision. “I get it. It’s great.” It really, really was. “You’re never going to let me forget that I’m younger though, are you?”
“Nope,” she grinned.
Like it was my fault I tested out of kindergarten and right into first grade. She and Brooke christened me “Smarty Baby” the day they found out I was a year younger than them.
“We should find Brooke and have Brad take a picture of the three of us with the cake.”
But Brooke was still MIA. A picture of the three of us without the cake would be fine too.
“Problem,” Crissy said and chewed on her lower lip. “I forgot plates. And I don’t have anything to cut it with.”
I looked from the cake to Crissy to the party with all the happy people glad to have something to celebrate.
“No problem,” I said with a grin and a wink and set the cake on a picnic table. I pushed up my sleeve and grabbed a chunk with my bare hand. Seconds later, three football players did the same thing.
Crissy stared at me like she had no idea who I was and then shrugged and grabbed a handful of cake too. Before she could take a bite though, Brad was back with a beer and ran a finger through the icing. He wiped it across Crissy’s lips and then licked it off.
I stared, wide-eyed. I’d never met any of Crissy’s boyfriends, so seeing her with one was a bit of a learning curve.
Crissy giggled then stuck her tongue in his mouth.
Wow. I’d heard the Monday morning weekend tales for years now, but actually seeing it put a different spin on things. And of course, goody-goody that I am, I was a bit shocked that she was being so free in front of me.
So of course, right as I was thinking about things to do with a guy, I saw Ethan. He was coming my way, his dark-brown eyes focused on the cake. My hands went all sweaty, which mixed with the sticky frosting and turned to goo.
“Hey, Mandy,” Ethan said. His perfect, dazzling-white smile glowed in the firelight. “It’s your birthday, huh?”
Ethan and I had been going to school together since the fourth grade, but we never had the same teacher. This year, though, we had two classes together—U.S. history and chemistry. Normally those were my two best classes, but I had to compare notes with Geneva Allison almost daily. I usually ended up staring at Ethan during class and missed most of the lecture. The way he sat slouched in his chair, chewing on his pen, mesmerized me. Stupid, yeah, but was it my fault I had no self-control?
“Hmm?” I asked as I stared at his mouth and imagined licking frosting off of it.
He laughed, which made me melt. “It’s your birthday.”
“Oh. Yeah.” I laughed too, but it came out sort of high-pitched and hysterical. Brilliant.
“Ethan!” Brooke magically appeared at my side, all happy and wobbly. She held up a finger in a hang-on-don’t-move sort of gesture then grabbed my elbow, spun me around, and dragged me a couple steps away. “You’re just standing there, looking like a little kid seeing Santa for the first time. Will you drink some beer and loosen up already?”
“This is my third cup,” I objected, wanting to be next to Ethan again.
“Right. This one’s flatter than my little sister, and you dumped the first two.”
I opened my mouth to object but couldn’t.
“For God’s sake, it’s your birthday, and your forever-crush is right here for the taking.”
“He wants cake, and I happen to be standing next to it.”
“So make him want you instead.” Brooke reached up, pulled a few strands of hair out of my ponytail, and positioned them around my face. “Better. Bite your lips.”
“Why?” I asked and bit my lips.
“It plumps them up and makes them look kissable. Your birthday isn’t complete until you get a birthday kiss.” Brooke glanced back at Ethan, who looked confused and a little uncomfortable. “He’s going to take off if you don’t have an actual conversation with him.” She nodded at the beer in my hand. “Drink!”
So I took one longish gulp from the indeed-flat beer, grimaced and shivered at the taste, and finally she allowed me to go back to Ethan.
“Hey,” I said, trying to not stare at his mouth again.
“Yeah,” he said. “Cool that you came. I don’t think I’ve seen you at a party before.”
“Um, no, my mom…” I started and let it go. God, I was so lame.
He nodded like he understood. “Do you live in town?”
I shook my head and without thinking, took another sip of the beer. And grimaced again. At least he laughed. In a that-was-cute way not a wow-she’s-a-dork way.
“Hidden Valley,” I said.
“You live at a salad dressing factory?”
“What?” And then I got it. “Oh. Yeah.” And I laughed. Ha-ha.
“Sorry, that was stupid.”
We stood there, staring at the fire. I searched my brain for something to talk about. His soccer season? No, that ended in October. Band? He played an awesome acoustic guitar. The whole school knew that.
“There’s cake. Did you get some?” Seriously? I could’ve started an actual conversation about guitars, and I go with cake?
“That’s what I was coming over here for,” he said. “And to tell you happy birthday, of course.”
My face went hot, and I nodded at the cake. “Help yourself. There aren’t any plates so you have to, you know.” I made a claw with my hand. “Dig in.”
He took a small piece and popped it in his mouth. “It’s good.”
“My friend Crissy brought it,” I said. “Do you know Crissy Sheets? The gold coins are for my golden birthday–sixteen on the sixteenth. Wasn’t that sweet of her?”
Oh my God, Mandy. Stop! Talking!
“Sweet,” he agreed with an amused smirk.
“You’ve got a little frosting…” I pointed at his bottom lip to indicate where. He slowly ran his tongue over it and I froze. Pretty sure I stopped breathing.
“Did I get it all?” he asked, looking down at me.
I nodded, eyes locked with his. Then, summoning more courage than I ever thought I had, I blurted, “Brooke says I’m not allowed to leave until I get a birthday kiss.”
The next thing I knew, the dude that had called dibs on spankings was standing between us.
“Couldn’t help overhearing,” he slurred. “To celebrate something as monumental as your birthday, you need a real kiss from a real man. Not a little boy like Crawford here.” He assumed that bodybuilder pose that was supposed to make his arms look massive. They didn’t.
“Loser,” Ethan said, but he was laughing. “Why would she want a kiss from someone who practices on his dog?”
That started the two of them wrestling, and pretty soon everyone was gathered ’round cheering them on.
“You blew it,” Brooke said, leaning against me, now wearing someone’s letter jacket.
“I did,” I said. “Looks like I’m not going to get a birthday kiss after all.”
“I can fix that,” she slurred. Then she put her hands on both sides of my face, pulled me in close, and kissed me full on the mouth.
“Whoa. Chicks making out,” some guy hollered.
“We’re not making out,” I insisted.
But Brooke must’ve seen the interested look on his face.
“Sure we are,” she said, moving in for another one. She lost her balance and would’ve knocked us both down if I hadn’t caught her. And when I did, she sloshed her beer all over the leather jacket I’d borrowed from my mom’s closet. The one she was planning to return to the store. Beer wouldn’t leave a stain, would it?
“You don’t have to stop,” another guy said, trying to push us back together. “Please don’t stop.”
“We weren’t making out,” I repeated.
“No, we weren’t,” Brooke said with a sigh and that eye roll that said I was being boring. “Mandy wanted a birthday kiss so I gave her one.”
“Well why didn’t you say so?” the first guy said.
Suddenly his hands were on my butt, and his disgusting beer-marinated lips covered my mouth. As if I didn’t hate beer enough already, the smell and taste would now forever remind me of this. I tried to push him off while he slobbered all over my face and tried to slide his drunken tongue in my mouth when suddenly, he was gone. And Ethan was there, standing in front of me with his hands on my shoulders.
“Are you okay?” He looked at me like I was a little kid who’d fallen off a swing or got pushed down on the playground.
Great. Just fabulous. I’d dreamt about my first kiss for years. It would’ve come at the end of the perfect date after he walked me to my front door or on the dance floor as he held me close and looked deep into my eyes as we swayed to a slow song. Except the “he” was not some disgusting drunk I didn’t even know. Tears stung my eyes. It was supposed to be Ethan.
“I’m fine.” I mopped my mouth with my hand and got cake goo from my still-sticky fingers all over it. “A little repulsed though.” I smiled weakly. “You wouldn’t happen to have any mouthwash would you?”
He wiped off my hand with his shirt then leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. It would have been super sweet if not for the look of pity that came with it.
“Happy birthday, Mandy.” Then he pushed the slobbery drunk dude to the far side of the crowd, telling him what a jerk he was the whole way.
Not even close to a frosting-on-the-lips kiss, but technically Ethan Crawford kissed me on my birthday. And technically he held my hand. Now if I could only replace the slobbery guy with Ethan in this memory.
Since the party had been going on for a couple hours and everyone was tripping-over-their-own-feet drunk, this was naturally the perfect time for Brooke and the Poms Squad to start the drunken cheer portion of the evening. They started with a birthday cheer for me, but after that my birthday and I were completely forgotten again. I stood at the back edge of the crowd and watched. For the record, Brooke had remembered her panties.
At first I laughed, but within a minute had to turn away. I couldn’t handle watching Brooke laughing it up with her new friends. At the beginning of the night she’d introduced me as her best friend from elementary school, like I was some long lost buddy in town for the weekend. If I was being honest though, we hadn’t been best friends for nearly two years. Other than gracing us with her presence at lunch a couple days a week, Brooke had completely blown off Crissy and me. The fact was I wasn’t anywhere near fun enough for her anymore and her idea of fun wasn’t right for me.
I went to look for Crissy instead. At least I could spend the rest of my birthday with her and Brad. Except when I found them, they were under a blanket on top of a picnic table they’d dragged into the shadows. As far as I could tell their clothes were still on, or most of them at least, and they were doing things no friend ever needed to see another friend do.
I shouldn’t have come. I should’ve stayed home with my cat, made myself that vegan chocolate coconut cake I’d wanted to try, and watched a dumb movie on cable.
But I had gotten a kiss from Ethan. On the cheek but still a kiss. And we’d stood and talked for almost five whole minutes. About absolutely nothing. It was something to write about in my journal, I guess.
Time to go. I’d experienced my first party. Not what I’d hoped for. As I turned to leave, I heard a girl scream, “Someone fell through the ice!”
The crowd moved as one from the fire pits to the river’s edge, me right along with them. My whole body trembled as if I was the one who’d just been doused with icy water. I forced my way to the front of the group, desperate to find out who had gone through and if they were okay. Please, let them be okay.
Signs were nailed to trees all up and down the shore, warning of the thin ice at this time of year. The unusually warm April weather made it worse. The ice was just patchy bits alongside the riverbank now. When would people ever learn? That’s what Uncle Enzo said every year when someone went through. Then he’d stop talking because he’d remember about Alexa. Not that he’d forgotten of course. I could tell that by the look of pain in his eyes sometimes. He’d loved her as much as Mama and I had. In his defense, it had happened twelve years ago. Mama hadn’t been able to move on though. She refused to talk about Alexa and anytime she heard about someone going through ice… She didn’t have to speak. Her shaking hands told me how upset she was.
“What a dork,” someone said, snapping me out of the memory. Thank God.
Everyone was laughing. Yes, someone had fallen through but only to his knees.
“Who stands out on the ice to take a whiz?” a guy asked.
“Probably too drunk to realize where he was,” a girl said.
“Bring him over by the fire before his feet freeze off,” someone slightly less wasted suggested.
It wasn’t funny. Everyone laughed at the guy, thinking it was hilarious that some dumb drunk got his feet wet. They didn’t know. They didn’t understand how fast someone could fall through. And never come out again.
I’d had enough. Hanging with a boozing Brooke and her friends was not my idea of a fun night. She’d forgotten I was there a long time ago anyway. And clearly Crissy wasn’t available. I never had gotten the three of us together and there wasn’t much chance it would happen even if I stuck around all night.
Maybe if I found Ethan and re-summoned that courage from earlier, I could get him to comfort me. I glanced across the crowd and saw him surrounded by girls. He had plenty of other options. Why would he ever choose me?
Things only got worse when I got back to the Escape. The idiot parked next to me on the driver’s side had pulled so close I couldn’t get in. When I went around to slide through on the passenger’s side, I found a huge dent and six-inch long scratch on the front door. The moron on that side must’ve slammed his door into it.
This was the karma smack I got for doing what I knew I shouldn’t and stepping out of my comfort zone. All I’d wanted was a night with my closest friends so we could try and get back to being happy. They were fine without me, and I was happy for them. Really. But where did that leave me?
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